Marilyn Manson’s first love fears she turned him into a ‘monster’ after breaking his heart


Marilyn Manson’s first love fears she broke his heart and turned him into a ‘monster’, revealing the tortured poems he wrote for her and how he fantasized about fathering her child.

The woman, who asked to be named only as Rachelle, spoke exclusively to DailyMail.com about her two years as girlfriend to Manson in the 1980s, beginning when he was just 18, and shared copies of his typewriter-written love – and hate – poetry.

Rachelle met him in 1987 when she was a 22-year-old model and he was still only known as Brian Warner, before he formed a band and adopted the dark and twisted persona of Marilyn Manson.

She described him as shy, quiet and immature; almost unrecognizable as the man now under police investigation for domestic violence and accused of the sadistic abuse of several of his former partners.

On Friday, actress Esmé Bianco filed a lawsuit against Manson accusing him of raping, sexually assaulting and beating her, and coercing her using drugs. Manson denied the claims.

Marilyn Manson's first love, who asked to be named only as Rachelle, spoke to DailyMail.com about her two years as Manson's girlfriend in the 1980s. The pair are pictured together when she was 22 and he was just 18

Marilyn Manson’s first love, who asked to be named only as Rachelle, spoke to DailyMail.com about her two years as Manson’s girlfriend in the 1980s. The pair are pictured together when she was 22 and he was just 18 

Rachelle met him in 1987 when she was a 22-year-old model and described him as shy, quiet and immature - before he formed a band and adopted the dark and twisted persona of Marilyn Manson

Rachelle met him in 1987 when she was a 22-year-old model and described him as shy, quiet and immature – before he formed a band and adopted the dark and twisted persona of Marilyn Manson

Rachelle tells how she and Warner quickly fell into an intense relationship, with Warner writing her romantic and intensely emotional poems from the blacked-out bedroom of his parents’ apartment near Boca Raton, Florida.

Rachelle (pictured in the 80s) said she fears she turned Manson - real name Brian Warner - into a 'monster' after breaking his heart

Rachelle (pictured in the 80s) said she fears she turned Manson – real name Brian Warner – into a ‘monster’ after breaking his heart

But when his deep insecurities, ‘immaturity’ and possessiveness became too much she split with the would-be rock star, she said.

Rachelle, now 55, said Warner was devastated by the break-up and her friends accused her of breaking his heart.

She said he left tortured poems on her car and in a matter of months had totally transformed, embracing the goth fashion, piercings and tattoos that his fans now know him by.

Rachelle is even immortalized in his autobiography, in which Warner suggested he could have fathered a child with her – a claim she denies.

In the 1998 memoir, The Long Road Out of Hell, Warner described Rachelle as ‘cold-hearted, gorgeous and manipulative’ and said she ‘left me with a scar deeper than any I’ve since inflicted on myself’ and that their break-up led to him trying ‘to close myself off emotionally to the world and trust no one’.

He also says their split drove him to claw his way to stardom.

‘It was partly out of anger and revenge that I wanted to get famous and make her regret dumping me,’ he wrote. 

The Florida mother said she first laid eyes on Warner when she was 22, one night in late 1987 at the Reunion Room, a New Wave club in Fort Lauderdale.

‘I noticed him right away,’ she told DailyMail.com. ‘He had blond hair and was wearing dark clothing and a dark jacket. He just reminded me of kind of a hipster. He had beads in different colors he wore around his neck. He was really tall, very thin and was just looking around like he was out of place.

‘He approached me and we started to talk. We exchanged phone numbers. I don’t think either of us had anything to drink. He told me he was of legal age to be in a club, he never told me his age.’

His poetry referred to his clothes 'drenched in narcotic blood', and he wrote 'I am now a mass of f***ing hate / Live or die I really don't care at this / point'

His poetry referred to his clothes ‘drenched in narcotic blood’, and he wrote ‘I am now a mass of f***ing hate / Live or die I really don’t care at this / point’

Rachelle shared with DailyMail.com tortured poems Manson wrote for her when he was just 18. 'Your appearance into my life has stung the very depth of my soul. / My shroud of security destroyed leaving / nothing but splinters of bitter feelings / and revolting lies,' he wrote. 'Your unfaithful and dismal part in this / life has ripped out the very center of my being'

Rachelle shared with DailyMail.com tortured poems Manson wrote for her when he was just 18. ‘Your appearance into my life has stung the very depth of my soul. / My shroud of security destroyed leaving / nothing but splinters of bitter feelings / and revolting lies,’ he wrote. ‘Your unfaithful and dismal part in this / life has ripped out the very center of my being’

Rachelle said the then-community college journalism student wooed her with conversations about language, poetry and outer space. But when she began dating him she was surprised to find he was a teenager living in his parents’ apartment near Boca Raton.

‘I never saw anyone there, and he never told me he lived with his friends. But I found it weird when I found out he was living with his parents,’ she said. ‘His father would leave the keys and $20 like ‘here’s your allowance’.’

Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight.

‘We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,’ one poem read.

‘He’d like to see my reaction when I looked at it,’ Rachelle said. ‘Romance for us was writing. Being together and writing, and other things that you do, holding hands, hugging, kissing.’

All deeply passionate, some of the dashed-off poems were also steamy and erotic.

‘Her knuckles are tight and white / with fistfulls of me / in either hand / And somewhere in / the distance below us / (some other place, other time) / Her clothes lie / crumpled in a / rainbow mass,’ the typewritten note said.

‘Kiss my face / and kiss my face / Your legs glide against my chest / and wrap around my waist / They’re hosed in lace. / Tear up my face / Your lips tear me up / like crepe / And you go down / against my neck, / your lashes / crawling across my skin like / spiders. / And I’m so deep inside / Too deep / And / down / I think I could drown.’

Rachelle said she had been the victim of assault at a young age, but said that during their relationship Warner was ‘loving’ and ‘affectionate’.

‘He was wonderful. He was very kind to me, loving, very affectionate. There was nothing that would have struck me as scary or uncomfortable,’ she said. ‘I was very comfortable with him.’

Parents across America might pale now at the thought of their daughter dating a man many consider to be the devil incarnate.

But Rachelle’s God-fearing mother had only one complaint at the time: ‘She just didn’t like the fact he wasn’t Jewish.’

Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight. 'We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,' one poem read

Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight. 'We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,' one poem read

Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight. ‘We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,’ one poem read

Marilyn Manson poses for photos on a school playground in 1990 in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - the year after he had his heart broken by Rachelle

Marilyn Manson poses for photos on a school playground in 1990 in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida – the year after he had his heart broken by Rachelle 

The former model said Warner was passionate on paper, but ‘shy’ in public back then.

‘He was quiet with people unless he knew them,’ she said. ‘He was very self-conscious of his face and what he looked like. He was always worried about what people thought.

‘He was so insecure with himself and there was a lot of maybe jealousy and immaturity.

‘It started all making sense that he was so young.’

Rachelle told DailyMail.com she began to resent Warner as he became more controlling.

‘His behavior changed,’ she said. ‘Brian became very jealous.

‘Even when I was with my girlfriends Brian would get upset. He would want to be around everywhere. He was possessive. But he was never mean. He just wanted to be together. He would write poems about it, how he would feel when he was not with me.’

Finally, Rachelle decided to end the two-year relationship after Warner called up her ex-boyfriend and roommate accusing her of infidelity.

‘I went to his house and told him it was over,’ she said. ‘He said ‘You’re going to regret this.’ I told him ‘well then, so I do.’

‘He begged me not to leave. When I walked out he came running out of the apartment in a towel, down the stairs to my car. He was trying to hold his towel so it didn’t fall. I was telling him ‘Brian we are done, you have to stop.’ I felt like an awful person.’

The spurned writer became depressive and morose, leaving venomous messages for his ex on her car that had a very different tone to the gushing love poetry he wrote months earlier.

‘Your appearance into my life has stung the very depth of my soul. / My shroud of security destroyed leaving / nothing but splinters of bitter feelings / and revolting lies,’ he wrote.

‘Your unfaithful and dismal part in this / life has ripped out the very center of my being.’

'He was wonderful. He was very kind to me, loving, very affectionate. There was nothing that would have struck me as scary or uncomfortable,' Rachelle said. 'I was very comfortable with him'

‘He was wonderful. He was very kind to me, loving, very affectionate. There was nothing that would have struck me as scary or uncomfortable,’ Rachelle said. ‘I was very comfortable with him’

Warner’s wretched poetry referred to his clothes ‘drenched in narcotic blood’, and he wrote ‘I am now a mass of f***ing hate / Live or die I really don’t care at this / point,’ – lines that Rachelle said left her worried for his safety.

After they parted ways, she moved upstate to train as a firefighter, and Warner formed his band that would launch his career as a rock star.

Warner wrote about the relationship in his autobiography, though the former model says he took artistic license with some details.

He claimed they wrote letters ‘steamy as they were inspirational’ to each other when she went to Paris for the summer in 1987. She says she was offered a modelling job there, but never went.

And he has a rather different description of the phone call that precipitated their break-up.

‘In desperate need of her affection (or just to get laid) one night, I paged her,’ Warner wrote in the memoir. ‘My phone rang minutes later, and I picked it up.

‘Why are you paging this number?’ asked a hostile man’s voice. ‘This is my girlfriend’s number,’ I told him belligerently. ‘It’s also my fiancée’s number,’ he fired back, and at that moment I felt my heart freeze and shatter, each shard dropping painfully through my insides.

‘Did you know,’ I stammered, ‘that she’s been sleeping with me?’

Warner wrote that months later Rachelle called, revealing that she was pregnant.

‘Why are you telling me?’ I asked as coldly as I could,’ he wrote.

‘I don’t know if it’s yours or his,’ he said she replied.

Rachelle also claims her ex embellished a story about their chance meeting in a diner around three years later.

‘She looked the same – drop-dead gorgeous – but modeling hadn’t worked out for her,’ Warner wrote. ‘She had become a police officer, and looked like every man’s fantasy dominatrix in her blue uniform, cap and nightstick. ‘You should meet my son,’ she said. ‘He looks just like you.’

Rachelle says though they did bump into one another in a Wendys and she was dressed in her blue work uniform, it was as a firefighter not a police officer.

‘Brian recognized me right away,’ she said. ‘He had tattoos, piercings, he looked completely different. I almost didn’t recognize him.

‘He told me he was getting ready to play somewhere in Fort Lauderdale and asked me to come to the show.

‘I said ‘I can’t, I’m married with a baby.’ He looked sad to me, and that was it.’

Warner also later admits in his book that Rachelle’s child was not his, which she emphatically confirmed.

‘DNA clarifies that that’s not true. We all did [genealogy tracing service] 23 and Me,’ she said.

Rachelle said she had been the victim of assault at a young age, but said that during their relationship Manson was 'loving' and 'affectionate' - the opposite of the accusations against him now

Rachelle said she had been the victim of assault at a young age, but said that during their relationship Manson was ‘loving’ and ‘affectionate’ – the opposite of the accusations against him now 

Wood and Manson pictured together in 2007 around the time they started dating

Game of Thrones actress Esme Bianco has accused Marilyn Manson (pictured together in 2009) of cutting her repeatedly with a knife, chasing her with an ax and treating her 'like a prisoner' when they lived together for about two months in 2011

At least 12 women have come forward to accuse the -52-year-old of physical and sexual abuse, including actress Evan Rachel Wood (left) and actress Esme Bianco (right)  

Rachelle said she has not seen him since – but revealed she had a disturbing run-in with his father, Hugh.

After Warner’s career took off as Marilyn Manson, she wrote to him in 1997 to congratulate him.

His father received the letter and called her, offering her a job as a paramedic on Manson’s tour.

Rachelle declined, but when Hugh told her he had something for her from her ex, she agreed to meet him at a local mall – not expecting the bizarre incident that would occur.

‘When I showed up, Hugh unbuttoned his shirt and there was a picture of me stuck to his chest,’ she said. ‘He said ‘this is what you do for me’.

‘This was standing at a busy mall in Coral Springs, but he just did it casually, a couple buttons. He was so sweaty, it was a very hot Florida day. The picture was just stuck there with sweat. It was a sweaty mess.’

Rachelle said she made her excuses and fled, and never had contact with the Warners again.

The Florida firefighter said that seeing recent allegations emerge that Warner physically and sexually abused his girlfriends including Westworld actress Evan Rachel Wood, she wondered whether their break-up had sent him down a dark path.

‘I can’t say it’s all because of me, but my friends say that,’ she said. ‘That I broke him and he became a different person. I can see people becoming a different person in their sadness or their pain. But he may have had this in him all along.’

Actress Esmé Bianco’s lawsuit against Manson accuses him of raping, sexually assaulting and beating her, and coercing her using drugs.

The legal complaint claims the rock star ‘tied her to a prayer kneeler’, ‘beat her with a whip’ and ‘electrocuted her’ in 2009.

‘Mr. Warner used drugs, force, and threats of force to coerce sexual acts from Ms. Bianco on multiple occasions. Mr. Warner raped Ms. Bianco in or around May 2011,’ the documents said.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said in February they are investigating allegations of domestic violence by Manson, after several women including Bianco and Westworld actress Evan Rachel Wood went public with claims of abuse during their past relationships with him.

Manson denied the claims and his lawyer said Bianco’s allegations in her court filing are ‘provably false’.

‘To be clear, this suit was only filed after my client refused to be shaken down by Ms. Bianco and her lawyer and give in to their outrageous financial demands based on conduct that simply never occurred,’ Manson’s attorney Howard E. King said.

Warner has denied any abuse.



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